Go Rangers, Dominate that Weird Game!
October 25, 2011 7 Comments
Look, I don’t do baseball. I find it generally boring. If I’m watching it, I want to make sure I have a book in one hand and the other hand inside a bag of chips, with the remote nearby so I can quickly switch back to Lifetime Movie Network and see women getting sweet revenge.
But this World Series, with my beloved Texas Rangers pounding their way to possibly the best in this and all parallel universes, for the first time in franchise history, has kind of hooked me.
As I watch, I have burning questions every inning. How much do they pay a first-base coach? — because I think I could actually do that. Does the umpire signaling nothing whatever mean “ball”? If computers can tell us instantly whether a pitch entered the strike zone, why do we have an umpire? Is this a labor union thing? Has there ever actually been a balk, which I ask sincerely since there appear to be 152 rules applicable to balks? Shouldn’t it be an “eminent domain” instead of a “steal”? I mean, I think we can all agree, stealing is wrong. What are we teaching our children? Is there any protocol regarding, say, 15 straight foul balls? Can we go into sudden death maybe, and move on? And by the way, “Foul ball”? Really? “Foul”? as in offensive, polluted, dirty, soiled? Shouldn’t it be “Embarrassing Ball” or “Useless Ball”? Or maybe “Tedious Ball”? Can a pitcher sneak in a quick pitch while the batter is doing that interminable practice swing thing? Why do pitchers get credits for wins (or saves) when outfielders heroically catch balls that very nearly left the ballpark? Shouldn’t the outfielder be credited with the win? Aren’t stats a wee bit distorted when the winning team doesn’t get to add to them in the bottom of the 9th?
My head is spinning, but I’m giddy about the Rangers — mindful that they travel to the frozen tundra for games 6 and 7. Dallas handed the great city of St. Louis a thorough whacking this weekend — two World Series wins, plus the Cowboys hammering the St. Louis Rams 34-7. Can the Rangers close where it’s cold? Two shots. History. Make it happen, for my Dad.