A Modest Proposal: How President Obama Can Win Back Democrats, Win Over Republicans, and Win in 2012

With the tax compromise, and the open revolt of the President’s base, the White House is again unsecretly pleased with a conflict of its own making.  Triangulation.

See, triangulation is old school, two-dimensional geometry.  No disrespect to President Clinton, but that was a century ago.  This President needs to think about squaring the circle, and Yes We Can.

Policymakers and pundits alike are stuck in the Either-Or paradigm, pitting the Eithers against the Ors.  But it’s a Both-And century.  With some creative thinking, the President can have it all.  Break it down.

Gitmo.  Democrats want it closed.  Republicans want it kept open because they only grudgingly accept the fact that the remaining hard-core jihadist detainees are still alive.

Obama’s Solution.  Close Gitmo, release all the detainees, and then, you know, kill them.

Future Captured Jihadists (without Gitmo).

Obama’s Solution.  Put them in regular American prisons.  With regular Americans.

Immigration.  Democrats want amnesty for illegal immigrants, open borders, and more Democratic party voters.  Republicans want strict border enforcement, rigor in deportation of illegals, and fewer Democratic party voters.

Obama’s Solution.  Divert a swarm of those deadly unmanned drones destined for Pakistan to the southern US border.  Deploy them (with much advertising of intent to do so) and machine gun turrets all along the border, with emphasis on known crossings, force businesses who hire illegals into bankruptcy with million-dollar fines, and accept any illegal into a hospital or a school.  (Prospective party affiliation is not a basis for policy regarding potential immigrant voters, dead or alive.)

Health Care.  No one has yet finished reading the law, but a squaring-the-circle solution is nevertheless at hand.

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” –Shakespeare, Henry VI. With the lawyers gone, desperately needed tort reform is a piece of cake, the cost of medical care plummets, and private sector solutions become as bipartisan as naming new post offices.

DADT.  Democrats want gays to be able to serve in the military openly.  Republicans want to wait until such a policy wouldn’t disrupt the cohesiveness of active combat units.

Obama’s Solution.  Repeal DADT, but create gay brigades dispatched to do the worst fighting until enough courageous homosexuals have been killed to confirm their patriotism to everyone’s satisfaction.

Iranian Nuclear Ambitions, Part One.  Democrats say it’s unacceptable.  Republicans say it’s unacceptable.

Obama’s Solution.  Say it’s unacceptable.

Iranian Nuclear Ambitions, Part Two.  Democrats want a diplomatic solution, even if it takes a few weeks beyond the day Iran has a nuclear capability.  Republicans want a military solution, even if it takes a few weeks before yesterday.

Obama’s Solution.  Promise every country in the region limited nuclear capability, subject to American monitoring (but not control) and American bases, if Iran acquires a bomb.  Diplomacy follows.

Ground Zero Mosque.  One side screams sacrilege, the other screams “don’t be anti-Muslim.”

Obama’s Solution:  Broker a deal to build an ecumenical center, run by Muslims, with places of worship and devotion for Muslims, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, and Hindus.  The Muslims get the biggest room — it’s their property — and get to show New York not only that they respect other faiths, but that they can actively promote inter-faith tolerance and respect.

Make it so Mr. President.

 

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2 Responses to A Modest Proposal: How President Obama Can Win Back Democrats, Win Over Republicans, and Win in 2012

  1. Thelma says:

    Someone needs to buy you a drink.

  2. TLaCour says:

    Two-dimensional though old-school Bill might be, little newthink is needed on BO’s part. The Republicowards appear poised to play right into His hands in a repeat of the ’95-’96 Congress.

    But great kudos for you’re “squeering the circle” creativity! Many solid solutions (is that an oxymoron?) for Obambam there, if only He could spare the attention from his icecream…

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