A Funeral Oration for Joe Bob Birtherism

Why do I not title this post the more musical “Death of Birtherism”? Because President Obama’s release of his long-form Certificate of Live Birth did not, strictly speaking, kill Birtherism — anymore than Communism died with the disintegration of the Soviet Union or JFK assassination conspiracy theories died with the publication of the Warren Commission Report.

Birtherism simply suffered a fatal blow yesterday, subject to Whac-a-Mole resurrection by people with time and strange inclination to conceive new layered conspiracies about conspiracies.

Nevertheless, we properly gather for the funeral to pay our last respects to Joe Bob Birtherism (and mumble privately what an ass he was while alive). Herewith, then, my Shakespeare-inspired respectful eulogy to Joe Bob Birtherism upon his timely demise.

“Friends, Americans, countrymen, lend me your minds. I come to bury Joe Bob Birtherism, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is often interred with their bones. So let it be with Joe Bob.

“The noble MSNBC has told you, repeatedly and with strange enthusiasm, that Joe Bob was ambitious. If so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously has Joe Bob answered for it. But MSNBC is honorable.

“When the unknown Obama leapt into strange and sudden prominence in the struggle for our country’s leadership, his party’s opponents wept, and Joe Bob Birtherism was born, weeping himself.

“Ambition should be made of sterner stuff. Yet MSNBC says, repeatedly and with strange enthusiasm, Joe Bob was ambitious, and MSNBC is honorable.

“Just yesterday, the word of Joe Bob Birtherism might have been a sound and a fury signifying nothing, and now here he lies, merely signifying nothing.

“And yet if I were to stir your hearts and minds against the rampaging obsession with Joe Bob by MSNBC, I would do MSNBC wrong, because MSNBC, as you all know, is honorable.

“Joe Bob was loved most well by MSNBC. Joe Bob had few friends at the ignoble Fox, and many at the noble MSNBC. And now I must pause for a moment because my breaking heart is in that coffin with Joe Bob, along with the large heart of MSNBC and its daily chorus of Joe Bob celebrants. Forgive me for a moment…

“My countrymen, Joe Bob Birtherism is dead. We, the great callous majority, might have wished it a swifter and less painful end.

“But such is the genuine affection for Joe Bob by the noble MSNBC that it desired nothing so much as Joe Bob’s steady companionship. However weak and frail Joe Bob became, however pocked with the war-torn marks of conspiratorial ravage, MSNBC well and truly loved Joe Bob, and wished him an eternity.

“Now we bury Joe Bob, taking solace in both the end of his suffering and the certainty that his memory and his progeny will thrive at MSNBC.”

P.S. One of the items uber-Birthers have seized upon as suspect in Obama’s long-form Certificate of Live Birth is the “II” in Obama’s name, because it should have been more probably “Jr.” My name is Gordon Kendrick Macdowell II. Turns out my parents just didn’t like “Junior,” and didn’t want to risk me being called “Junior.” The improbable “II” is therefore evidence, to me, of authenticity — and endearing as well.

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8 Responses to A Funeral Oration for Joe Bob Birtherism

  1. Sadly, yes, it will thrive for awhile, until the next ridiculous accusation takes its place. We are so unimaginative and so unable to occupy our minds with more interesting and useful things. But sheep need a shepherd, no matter how foolish he is or how bad his hair looks. Well done, Kendrick!

  2. lbwoodgate says:

    Though Trump feels “proud” that he claims he instigated the outcome of Obama’s bc, he’s got to look a little foolish that his claims of really having something to show the American people with his research efforts of Obama’s birthright didn’t turn up the very document he questioned existed. Whoever his “investigators” were that he allegedly paid, I suspect they will get no bonus for this failure. In fact he may just simply tell them “You’re Fired”. What else can the fraud-meister do? Phineas T. Barnum would be proud of him.

    • Terrance H. says:

      Barnum?

      Yep. A liberal is born everyday. Good point, Woodsy.
      :-)

  3. “But such is the genuine affection for Joe Bob by the noble MSNBC that it desired nothing so much as Joe Bob’s steady companionship. However weak and frail Joe Bob became, however pocked with the war-torn marks of conspiratorial ravage, MSNBC well and truly loved Joe Bob, and wished him an eternity.

    Nicely done. While I don’t think Joe Bob will be immortal, he will be around for a very long time. As he fades into the background, someone in the movement will ressurect him just in time for 2012. :-)

  4. Paul Grubbs says:

    What do you make of the accusation that this whole business started with Hillary Clinton’s campaign folks? there is some merit that her folks got this turd rolling. I find it amusing and then again shameful that we spent so much time and energy on this but there must be some payoff to the Obama campaign to let this fester. I was very surprised and disappointed that he lowered the POTUS to personally address this non-issue. He was very angry at the podium, unpresidential in his demeanor, and arrogantly chose to lecture the world about how this was a waste of time. Then he flew off to be on Oprah, and then flew to New York to joke about it at 30k a plate campaign dinner.

    • Yes, birtherism was born during the Hillary Clinton campaign. See this article from Politico. Interesting observation about the President’s comportment. For such a cool guy, he has on occasion appeared remarkably tone deaf (e.g., knowing “whose ass to kick” during the BP oil spill). But I’m not sure what I’d have suggested as an alternative comportment on this issue. The fact is Birtherism was a colossal waste of time, and was on its way out but for Donald Trump, and I can’t say I blame the President and former professor for indulging some brief lecturing.

      • was on its way out but for Donald Trump

        And that is why the Donald will always be a jackass in my eyes.

        • Plus a couple of other reasons…

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